Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
