I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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