I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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