a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
