So drunk its hurt
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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