Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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