i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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