Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A+ Viking dick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
