can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
