i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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