You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
