where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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