Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
