I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
