suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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