i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
