so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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