Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
