no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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