Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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