I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
