yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
