jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
