I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
