Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
