i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize