Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
