bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
