There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
