My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
