he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
