I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
