he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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