If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
