i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
