I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
