nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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