Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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