Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
