before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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