Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
