Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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