Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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