Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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