Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
