she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
