Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
