I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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