Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
