if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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