Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize