she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
