I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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