Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Send help, water and tortillas.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
