Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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