I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize