He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
