living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
