guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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