Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
