wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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