Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
