Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize