and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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