Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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