Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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