I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just shotgunned beers for America
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
