Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
